[scaredeecat]

I am 40. I don't know of any relative who has/had HD. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in my early 20's. After many years of depression anxiety and physical illness I have finally evened out enough to work steadily once I got regulated on my mood stabilizers. I began my regime nearly twenty years ago with Lithium. I now take Lamictal and have for the last eight or so years. I have been taking Trazodone as well since my 20's and Zoloft for most of that time. My doctor told me my hand shakiness was a side effect of my meds. So it was easy to accept that.

Also, I was doing cocaine, crank, drinking liquor and smoking pot for some of those years and smoked a pack or more a day. Again, another good explanation for shaking all the time. Those days are long gone and I'm clean now and have been for over 4 years. I don't even drink alcohol anymore, because it makes me sick for a few days, not just the next day. I also quit smoking seven weeks ago. I am on my sixth week of patches, having just finished 4 weeks of the first step, 21mg and am on week one of step 2, 14mg. I am doing remarkably well so far. I do have moments, but I'm fighting through them.

While on vacation last year, I forgot to pack my Trazodone and got very manic the first night, took some over the counter "best OTC sleeping pills available" from Walgreen's and that was just a waste of $20. The next afternoon I started feeling unwell and began to have violent seizures. It started with an involuntary jerk of my entire right arm. It came without warning over and over for about 5 minutes. When this was happening, we were in the drive-thru picking up some Trazodone my doctor called in for me from my home state when my legs started shaking violently, with the arm jerking. I tried to tense up to see if that would make my muscles stop shaking, but it only worsened the problem. I was scared to death. I spoke with my psychiatrist about the seizure and he determined that it was probably because I didn't take any Trazodone the night before and I blew off thinking anything serious was going on.

Lately, in the last couple of months, I've noticed different muscles twitching all over my body. It is usually just one muscle, in my stomach, my side, my legs (more often than others) and my left hand has developed a constant tremor.

Because I am bi-polar, I deal with the stigma that I'm unpredictable, paranoid, irritable, explosive and use my illness as an excuse for anything I do that suits, or doesn't suit people. It is very frustrating to be disbelieved. That is why so many go undiagnosed, but that is another topic. It does, however, have particular bearing as a brought-on symptom of HD

As I said, I have never heard of anyone in my family who had HD My grandmother and her son, (my dad), had bi-polar and 4 of my five brothers and sisters have it. This is enough of a challenge in itself!

As far as my memory goes, it does seem to be struggling to keep up. A lot of these symptoms, I was taught were just symptoms of bi-polar. I can remember what I had for lunch today, but have trouble recalling right now what I had for lunch yesterday. I seem very flighty to myself at work, having a hard time concentrating. I have only had this job since last October, so I am still learning the processes. Plus, we are extremely busy at work and the desk was behind when I got it and it's been sinking deeper. It's not so much that I'm stressed from it, it's more how it makes me feel that it could be my fault because my brain isn't cooperating.

Having said all of this, I guess now I should face it and get tested. I do wonder if a blood test is a definitive test, if there are there any other tests that could confirm HD and if I'm just blowing all this out of proportion. I don't think I am an hypochondriac, but there are a lot of factors at play here.

Plus, I am addicted to coffee. Especially since I quit smoking. It is nothing unusual for me to drink up to 6 cups a day lately. Sometimes a Venti Latte which has a double shot of espresso. :(

If anyone has been anywhere near the boat I'm in, I would appreciate your opinions.

[scaredeecat]

I was mulling things over and realized that I have been clean for 9 years, not four. Last time was the beginning of January 2000.