[Truth Seeker]

Most people are unaware, that we can change our own brain activities without EEG or QEEG readings.
I am one of the lucky ones.
When my vision changed and lasted for well over four long years, I did not require modern technologies to follow and see my own brain waves or colours, because I could see it all crystal clear, yet to date no one has been interested in my feedback and at this stage I no longer care to give it way, but my point is, the pitiful medical minds simply could not comprehend that phenomenons do happen, yet it is precisely the change of brain activities that are promoting my healing.

Truth Seeker

[plumb bob]

Howdy howdy,

Please. I am not trying to shun others here, but, where I am at currently, it is difficult to handle
hardships. It scared me to hear of the symptoms suffered by fellow victims. Something new,
every day. Some symptoms I experience, and some others that were more than frightening.
I was causing myself too much stress focusing on pain and agony. This forum is absolutely
beneficial to all of us, at different times, and different reasons.
It is hard for me to translate my thoughts into words for others. So I gave up, recently, as you had noticed. Yet, very yet, my search is not over. Always thinking, and found it encumbant upon
myself to reach out. Your position is of great value to me. If anyone else were to go through what you do, and have, I fear I am the likely candidate. I thought I was going crazy, or primal, but more like
crazy primal. Wounded animal.
Your posts are compelling and informative. I have given up on doctors, medicine in a bottle, and
chasing that dream of normalcy. Just started fully embracing this condition, before it consumes me.
I've learned a lot about the SNS, but, was always missing the point of it all. That is when I tried to "listen" to what my system was telling me. For instance, if I am not hungry, I do not force it.
It will tell me, as it is quite good at it now.
In a nutshell, I really think that complacency is what my system is upset about. If I am hungry, I
really should hunt something down, or forage. Earn my sustainance, if you will. It got a little bit easier to deal with this way. Despite my enjoying modern this and thats, I feel guilty that I threw money
at someone for them. Am I not a human, like the one who built a something? I should build a something myself, or maybe I don't need it. At least this helps cope, for me.
I appreciate the feedback, check, and sounding board. Everything happens for a reason. That was always a phrase of mine. Now, shouldn't differ. So I pursue. Fight AND flight is a new one I made.
I am very curious about your unique adaptations. They sound like a blessing and a curse. Or the other way around. But, what isn't? Has never been one or the other, for me. If you reply, cool. Please realize
the can of worms takes a long time to type. I am up for it, if you are.
Have a good'un.

[Truth Seeker]

Hello,

Thank you for this very special, deep, open, honest and down to earth post.

RSD symptoms and sensations can be very frightening, in fact, they can go "well beyond" what the conscious mind is able to comprehend, there is only one way to describe it and that is "HELL HERE ON EARTH."
Stress, and focusing on pain and agony are normal under our circumstances, everything is new to us, no one has ever taught us how to deal with something like that, people with a lot less symptoms, sensations and or pain, are hospitalised and receive care, but we are thrown to the wolfs.
We question our and the sanity of others, this cannot be real, it cannot be happening, things like this do not happen in real life, to real people, but the reality of this brutality, its horror and terror are impossible to ignore.
There comes a time, when we no longer have any other choice but to detach from life as we knew it and I am not talking general, but rather mind from body, it is a process that is so difficult, because it involves a lot more than mind over matter, we literally enter a different state of mind, but holding it there is one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life and that was the time when I really learned about the power of gravitational pull, it will overpower us.
The only way I can explain this is to use an example.
Think of two very strong men arm wrestling, both want to win, the situation gets very intense and increases and increases, muscles are tight, veins are popping, sweat appears, the arms begin to shake and finally there is defeat.
This kind of struggle was happening on the left side of my brain, again and again I failed to fight that strong pull, I simply could not hold on.
There were times when the left side of my face felt as if I was having a stroke, the reality of this I will never know, but I do remember my fears.
After a while (month, plus) I felt robotic, I no longer had feelings or compassion for anyone, but I was beginning to feel "hate."
We use the word, hate, very loosely, but I never will again, because I have learned how dark hate can really become, it is something I rather forget.

Please, do not underestimate how well you translate your thoughts, I have no problem at all understanding your train of thoughts.
I have sensed, that we are on a very similar road, keep your brain active, it overpowers the body by far.
My adaptions were purely based upon my deep desire to live, but I had "no idea," even in my wildest sense of my imagination, how hard I would have to fight.
By the fall of 1997, I simply could not fight anymore, I was ready and willing to let go, but there was one thought that kept going round and round in my mind, what would my death certificate read?
I was sure that it would not read RSD, but probably heart attack and this gave me such a boost of energy, that I just wanted to continue to fight.
I allowed myself to get in touch with all of my anger and hate, I allowed myself to once again feel that emotional rape, that psychological torture, how the doctors had succeeded to strip me of everything I stood for and believed in and I simply was not ready to go quietly, but my burst of energy was like a candle that flickered one more time and than I began to drift into another world.
I have had numerous near death experiences, but eventually I realised that our Creator had other plans for me.
I am absolutely sure, that with God, all things are possible and I am living proof.
No one, but no one, will ever change my mind.
The reality, that our Creator is real and present, is all around us, we merely need to know where to look.
Let me ask you, whom would you follow?
Doctors, not knowing or our Creator, all knowing?!

[plumb bob]

Ello,

Thrown to the wolves. Quite right. In fact, this little phrase tells me that it was needed.
Shows where the minds of other humans had to have gone. Who would put those 4 words
together like that? I can only assume that it stemmed from deep seated instincts. It has
always been the natural order. It reminds me a little of Cain and Abel. Survival of the
fittest. That isn't the reason it written down though. The Bible is the greatest book ever
written. To me, it represents the time that We, felt it neccesary to break away from the
natural order. You asked whom I would follow. Neither. None... All.
I firmly believe I hold all the values of my progenitors. With a little spin of my own,
that I have passed on. I respect religion, and hold to a grand design. Every culture is
on to something. None can put their finger on it. Close. In between two stories, the
truth has to be deciphered. All points of view are equally valid. I have looked into
more than my fair share of them. For me, the magic happened in the right sided
brain. Cross-referenced the daylights right out of me. Science is the same.
The Earth was said to be flat, but the atom is not? Spinning at its most basic.
Every body in space is round. Why did any one think Earth was different.
Every path a body follows shapes the fabric of space-time. Atoms should not be
any different either. Like little galaxies. Electrons, like like tinier solar systems.
There is a ratio called the golden mean. It is 1:1.618. Virtually everything is shaped
by it. In relation, of coarse. Did you know more than 99 percent of us, everything,
is empty space? If the nucleus of an atom were the size of a tennis ball, its closest
electron would span a football field? The others fall in ratio. Or else! Ha, ha.
This took an hour. Really. Gotta hop off.
Take care.

[Truth Seeker]

back to you Carl,

This is another great response from you.
I agree with you, that the Bible is the greatest book ever written, but I also believe that some very important pages are missing from the original.
Religion, in my opinion, can do a lot of harm, because all to often it is left wide open to false interpretation.
You may have noticed, that I rarely make references to "God" but often to our "Creator" and as far as I am concerned the differences are huge.
Some countries have up to 200 different Gods, I simply cannot believe in any of that, yet I respect people for the choices they prefer.
My entire thinking process is based upon Creation, which absolutely fascinates me.
Seek and you will find, are so much more than just words, they are actions.
You are absolutely correct, the magic, can only be found on the right side of brain and tapping into it is a blessing.
Atoms are one of my favorite topics, these perfectly round, shiny, reflective, little molecules, are brilliant, but they also have a very serious and deadly side.
Once again, creedence goes to our Creator who invented the first atom.

Truth Seeker

[plumb bob]

Hey there, Hi there,

I have a very hard time with big bang. I think of it more as little birth. Too many
holes in the theory. Matter, anti-matter, and nuetrinos, oh my. I think our universe
is being fed nutrients. Black holes, remove waste. If all is just one cell, it would tie
everything together. Everything.

Now, a little on topic. When you felt robotic, was it intentional? Pain is translated in the emotional center, so I had to turn mine down. All that was left was hate. Deeper than that, though, hate
begets loathing. I was seething with it. Visceral hatred is when I could taste the chemical
difference. Started to turn it back on, but, it really is quite the struggle. Any tricks on how
to coordinate both sides, in this effort? I know it's in the front somewhere, just can't find the right
pathway. Like hacking a computer without a keyboard.

When ever I try to plead with my own system, it "talks" back in a Brooklyn accent.
Fogeta boutit, or whyioughtta. Yous talkin to me? Hard to argue with that.
When I press the matter, it says "who's askin'?" Frustrating, as it knows exactly who I am.
Can imagine mental thugs, with brass knuckles and baseball bats, telling me to stop asking
around, if I know what's good for me. Why can't we all just get along?

C-ya.

[Truth Seeker]

Are you ready for this one?

First and foremost, you are a great communicator for which I thank you.

I believe, that my response to your post will challenge you, but than again, I know you can handle it.
It is OK not to believe in the big bang theory, but let me say this, if you were able to watch atoms split inside of you, you would never question it again.
When atoms split, radioactivity consumes your system, you will not dare and leave you home out of fear that someone might want to touch you, merely by shaking your hand or giving you a hug.
Black holes are burn outs.
It is not just one cell that can tie everything together, but there is one molecule that does.

When I felt robotic, it was "not" intentional, but rather a systematic progression.
Only emotional pain will register the the emotional center, physical pain does not.
I know all about that hate, deep and dark, darker than I am willing to share.
Did you taste the mercury?
Coordinating both sides, is the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life, it truly is a struggle of unbelievable magnitude, words cannot possibly put this into context, however, we cannot successfully reach the right side, unless we start with the left, work towards the center, which will throw all kinds of obstacles into our way.
Think of the frontal lobes in terms of a door, unless this door opens, blockage will continue, but once it is open, it will be easy to move to the right.
On the right side of brain, we will enter a whole new dimension and once we have been there, life will never be the same.
After a very long time, I was able to move from side to side and center with ease, it was like going from one room to another.

In my case it was all about seeing things, the only thing I could hear was very loud static, as well as loud echos and some other stuff.

I am not sure if you know anything about Epiphenomenalism, but I have experienced this a few times, this kind of phenomenon is very similar to out of body experiences, except with a twist.
During out of body, you can end up in another country, building, in space or anywhere where you have never been before to the best of your knowledge??!!
During epiphenomenalism, we also leave the body and travel to different places, where we can see people we have never met, but the twist is, the people I have seen, were suffering tremendously, much more than RSD can represent and I was able to read their thoughts and feel their emotions.
These are experiences I wished I never had, but it taught me, that the greatest savages on this planet are the human race.
Carl, I understand, that you do not believe in a higher power, but I know for sure who saved my life and who granted me some special gifts, but trust me, they were not merely given to me, I had to earn them.

Truth Seeker

[plumb bob]

Hello,

I believe, that there is much more to H2O, than science can discern. Is this the molecule?
Looks like water to the naked eye, yet explosively powerful when broken down. Even still,
when combined. Electrolysis and hrdrolysis. I believe we consume even the electrons, which,
of coarse, leads to radioactivity. The very essence of lifeforce. It gets bad, when it is out of
balance.
I do believe in an outer conciousness, although, me thinks it may not actually have an awareness
of us. Many cultures have presented the world being held up, by a turtle, or Atlas. Close. Can't
blame anyone for trying to wrap a mind around it. I like the analogy, and can only hope the very
alive holder of our existance, is taking care of itself.
If you have a mirror, on the back of a bathroom door, and look into the one above the sink, into the one behind you, back into the sink one, then into your own eyes, you can see even smaller mirrors
reflecting smaller eyes, and so on. Kinda freaky. That's how I view the grand scheme. Difficult.
Can never say I am I right, nor, is anyone else wrong. Somewhere in between, maybe.
I was once capable of astral projection. The process, similarly, involved a mental mirror. I was
always afraid of not finding my way back. I lost this ability, shortly after I discovered it. As with
every power, there is the potential of abuse. I was 15, and still inexperienced. Learned my
lesson though. When I was 30, see the pattern?, I thought I had paid my pennance. The universe
granted only a portion be returned, along with this Realy Serious Diagnosis. Like a grand jury, with a sense of humor. Just an analogy, although profound.
I think the earning of gifts and curses, underlines the most fundemental course of nature. It is the best, only, and real form of being true to one's self. In regards to this, I can never be truly
at peace, until I am growing all of my own food, being off the grid, and reducing my carbon footprint.
It gets deeper than that. This motivation against complacency, may be the language that brings
all humans towards the same page. I would like to think, that on some level, everyone could agree.
Gotta go.

[Truth Seeker]

Another good one Carl,

Each post from you triggers another memory, this time as it relates to mirrors and mirrored reflections.
When I looked into the mirror above my vanity, I often had to look away, because it freaked me out.
The white part in the center of my eyes, had become larger than normal and when I looked into the mirror it was as if someone was looking through me from the inside out, reflecting through the mirror and than back at me.
This lasted for almost four years and of course I got used to it, but there were many internal reflections as well, just different.
As well as these reflections, I often saw what looked like ice cubes, at least as far as size is concerned, but I was always aware of the tremendous magnifications of everything I was seeing.
It probably was not ice cubes at all, but possibly crystals, which would make a lot more sense.
I like your sentence about the grand jury with a sense of humor, believe it or not, but I know what you are talking about here as well.

Truth Seeker
I can honestly say, that I am at peace with myself.
In regards to carbons, I am a lot more concerned about us constantly tapping into our natural electromagnetic fields, overloading, will result in overheating.

[Truth Seeker]

Hi Carl,

In a recent post you had asked me if I had any tricks on how to coordinate both sides and I deliberately did not answer, because there is so much more to it and "no" I do not know of any tricks, but the following might be of interest to you.
Within a short time after my surgery, I not only had pain in my foot which was escalating, but my entire system felt as if it had been poisoned.
At that time I had no knowledge of poisons and I most certainly was "completely unaware"of what the brain is capable of, consequently I was stunt when one word kept running through my mind, it is a word I normally never think of, because I had no reason to, yet the word kept lingering, until I could no longer ignore it, the word was Arsenic.
I was bewildered, why on earth would arsenic be on my mind?
When we look up arsenic, it tells us that it is a toxic metalloid element, but what did arsenic have to do with me?
I began to read and learn about arsenic, its relationship to sulfur, its atomic weight etc., but most interesting to me was, that ancient cultures used to us arsenic to produce metal alloys.
Instantly, my mind went to the metallic surgical pins in my bone, obviously very much in touch with my marrow.
At that time, I did not have a computer, therefore my research was limited and friends, who had computers had no idea how urgently I needed to do some research, I was on my own again.
Eventually, I phoned the hospital, the same place that could not offer me a tissue, and asked what type of metal had been placed into my bone, but no one was willing to provide me with the answer.
I never forget the day when these pins were pulled out of my bone, they no longer looked silver/grey, but rather had this strange blue film on them.
In hindsight, I should have asked to keep the pins for further investigation.
I am very leery of all metallic, surgical, and medical tools, including injection needles.
The best and the worst are yet to come.

Take care

Truth Seeker