Traumatic Brain Injury

[livingwith]

Almost two years ago, my husband, the love of my life, was in a terrible motorcycle accident. They didn’t expect him to survive but miraculously he came back after a week in a coma. Doctors were amazed he could walk, talk, remember(after a while)everyone he knew. It was a long road for us but he did come home to finish his recovery.
He was child-like at first, I almost enjoyed caring for him but as he became stronger, he also became meaner, paranoid, verbally abusive and then physically...Read the full article

[Zhang-Smith]

First I would like to say that I have Traumatic Brain Injury and I get frusterated daily with myself for not being able to do what I did before TBI. Anyway, did your husband and you ever attend to counselling? This maybe hurting him as well since again we didn't ask to have TBI and it literally makes you someone new and for me scary since Im not able to do what I could before.

[purpledog2]

I too have a husband that was in a motorcycle accident and has developed very similar post-accident behaviors - I have been living with it for a year and a half. It is refreshing to hear of someone else experiencing a self-centered, verbally abusive / explosive tempered, spouse with no remorse. I am becoming totally detached emotionally and am preparing for divorce. Guilt still works it's way in and I'm wondering how to deal with it. My husband blames me for our "new problems" and I am very resentful of this stranger called my husband. Any suggestions from other spouses in this situation are appreciated! P.S. We have been to three different rounds of counseling...

[adaminnj]

I am the poster boy for TBI, anger, confusion, and headaches. I left my first wife years ago because although I did disclose my issues and we did live together before getting married I was starting to develop more acute headaches that kept slowing me down, and frustration issues which manifested itself as anger. Luckily I was not physically violent but could become paranoid and verbally abusive from time to time. My ex had mostly issues with the fact I was becoming more antisocial and started to go out by herself and developed a life that was far from me and my limitations.

I think that you made a commitment to this man for better or worse and right now is worse.

If he dose not seek help then you need to seek it for him, remember he had a head injury. Some times I liken my condition to turrets syndrome where some things I say either just come out wrong and or some things just come out.

If you actually love this man or loved him, you owe it to yourself to help him, help you.

I am married to a wonderful woman now who has provided me with the love, support, and understanding to help make me want to do better in life and with family. We have been married for almost 9 years at this point and have lived as ex-pats for the last 3 years in Canada with no family support. We have a 7 year old boy who I have raised while working a business at home.

I think that actions say a lot about a person when the chips are down. Just because you divorced your husband doesn't make his life any better. It actually might make things worse for him.

O-well at least your happy right!

[rjsams]

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. You lost the love of your life, and don't let anyone tell you any differently. TBI causes the person to change, and it is impossible for anyone to judge what you have had to live with, because each brain injury is different, and each victim started with different gifts and skills.

I'm very sorry for your ex-husband, too. He sounds like his injury has some of the same characteristics of my son's--was it left frontal lobe, at least in part? An injury to the logical/rational side of the brain, the left frontal lobe, will free the right frontal lobe to take over. Right has all the optimism, with out any of the logic to rein it in. My son, too, doesn't always believe he has a problem, and he always thinks he can figure things out without help. I can't tell you the number of classes he's failed because he doesn't think he has any problems until the "F" comes in. He will get very angry and defensive at anyone who points out the contrary.

It is inevitable that you will feel guilt over the divorce--even people without an injury like this to deal with feel guilty about a divorce. But you have each got to make your way forward the best you can. Blessings to you!