Traumatic Brain Injury

[Korilean]

In December 1990 an uninsured drunk driver crossed the centerline of the highway & hit my truck (that I was an asleep passenger in) headlight-to-headlight. I was in surgery for 20 hours initially & I was not expected to live. I had a TBI & broke my neck (C-1) & one or both of these injuries paralyzed my right side including my vocal cord. I broke my left leg in 20+ places in the wreck & had rods & pins put in to hold it together but it then “popped” & broke in two in July 91 because the holes were too close together so a rod was inserted inside the bone. The seat belt (which Toyota later 'proved' wasn’t hooked) caused my aorta to be severed (which the Drs said was from the seat belt!) The Drs initially thought it was just bruised, but when I was off oxygen for the repair, and my heart was 'opened up' they found my aorta was severed. I was in the hospital 4 months while Desert Storm happened. It was quite a shock to come out of the coma to learn there’d been a war! I left the hospital in a w/c (which I couldn’t use alone with 1 hand so had to be pushed everywhere.) Before the wreck, I was a 41 yr old right handed, single Mom (kids: 20, 18 & a Sr, and 5 & in kindergarten) and a business owner.

So I’ve come a long, long ways, even tho I'm still severely disabled. I’ve had several throat surgeries, that didn’t work. I’ve had PT in 4 diff outfits, several years each. I’ve had to close my 28 yr old biz & sell the property, sell my rental house, close my IRA, mortgage my house (that when the wreck happened had been totally paid off for five years), & use all of 2 estate settlements ………… just to pay medical bills that the drunk never paid 1 cent of. (He paid his debt to society by serving 6 mo in jail, while I got a life sentence only because my truck was in his way!) So I got the WA State laws changed for vehicular assault. I now live on SS Disability based on the 20-some years I’d worked (at low women’s wages of course) before the wreck.
I’m adamantly against drunk drivers & am willing to use myself as an example of what can happen. For the 16th anniversary of the wreck, I had a sign made & affixed to the front of my scooter that says:
IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU TOO!
An uninsured drunk driver crashed into me 12-16-90
P-L-E-A-S-E think BEFORE you drink.
And always drive STONE-COLD-SOBER!
Although, even worse than what happened to me, would be if it happened to one of my kids or grands or if I'd ever hurt anyone else! I’m thankful it was me rather than any of them. Everytime I go out, I have strangers approach me like friends, who after reading my sign, chat freely about their personal experiences with drunk drivers. It is so very, very common!! Why-on-earth doesn't the government do more to stop drunk driving? Last week a fellow who'd been convicted of a DUI talked with me & told me he'd never met a victim (because they usually die at the scene?) & how sorry he was.

REPERCUSSIONS OF WRECK: Initially had SEVERE memory loss & I still have short term memory problems, High b/p, Use of only 1 hand/arm (my left, which now has severe Rheumatoid arthritis from overuse & after 41 yrs of being right handed), a paralyzed vocal cord so have a yell-to-whisper voice & troubles swallowing/speaking, & sleeping (obstructive sleep apnea) all of which require that I take 33 pills per day to help control, Cannot walk or drive a car (so ride my scooter via DART & am Co-Chair of DART's riders council) or even stand up long & I have to do everything that requires use of arms or legs v-e-r-r-r-ry slowly - use an electric scooter for outside excursions & a quad cane to hobble around indoors, am financially ruined because the drunk driver had no insurance & mine maxed out early-on over 18 yrs ago. I live alone so do my own shopping, cooking, laundry, house cleaning etc which takes lots & lots of time, but I‘m proud that I've figured out ways to do it all myself. My 'mission' now is to prevent drunk driving.

My question: Does anyone else who is severely crippled regret living just so you can live like this? Do you feel as I do: purposeless, frustrated, like life is pointless & like humans show more humanity to animals by 'putting them out of their misery' than is shown to humans?

[lgb]

Hi Korilean,
My name is Lynne and my father died Sat 1/03/09, he was in a car accident. I couldn't sleep and thought I would look here when I read your story this morning. I am very sorry to learn of your horrific experience. I admire you for your courage to take on the corp giant Toyotoa, and disappointed once again in humanity that it wasn't found in your favor for any compensation. I also admire you for making a painfull topic public by wearing your sign "It could happen to you", we see much of "partying" glamorized as hip, but the ugly truth should be shown 100 times more. I once heard if you were caught drunk driving in Italy you would go to jail for life, I don't know if that is a fact but people would certainly find a way not to drive drunk if that were true. Like you said you are paying with your life for being in his way, there was no justice served in 6 months of jail. Some people file civil suites, attaching the persons wages for the rest of their life. I don't know too much about this either, except that was what happened in the Nicole Simpson case.
You are a very caring person, it comes through in your writing, you said "worse it could have been my children". I understand, I'm a mother of 4 and grandmother of 2. My father wasn't hit by a drunk driver, he was hit by a man with his wife and 6 yr old son who was driving a 2005 Dodge Truck pulling a camper. It happened 9am on 12/31/08 and is under investigation as a vechilicar homicide. Dad was in a level 3 coma at the scene, later they raised it to a 8. 15 is a normal score on the glascow coma scale, 3 is the worse. He had a "shearing" injury to the head, the neuro surgeon didn't give us hope. Dad had a living will and wanted to be taken off life support if it had been started. We needed to honor that request, and did, but I am tormented by memories - he had tears from his left eye, and he moved his jaw as if he was trying to speak, and his right hand moved when he heard my brothers voice - two times. His wife was taken to another hosp and couldn't be there to say good-bye, when it was time to release him from life support I put a phone by his ear so she could say good-bye and his heart rate was 150-160. I asked the nurse if he was in pain, she gave him a shot with no results and then another shot, but the heart rate didn't come down. The nurse said the heart was compensating for being weaned from the ventilator. The neuro surgeon said dad wasn't able to comprend, I want to beleave that, but I question it.
Life is incredibly cruel, dad never had a traffic ticket however he drank - everyday, but he did not drive drunk. He would have his wife drive, or he stayed home. last July we had a friend die from throat cancer, he never smoked, had 30 years sober and was an avid runner, it was horrific what this man endured up to his death, he couldn't eat or talk. I am a christian and some days I ask where is God? We know "everything happens for a reason", but that doesn't provide much comfort now. I think what helps the most is sharing with other people like you are doing. When I watch Americas' Most Wanted I have faith in Gods' love, Joe Walsh lost his son in the most horrible way, any of us would have wanted to die after that, instead he has helped hundreds of people and probably prevented thousands more from becoming victims. I think that is what will help us to keep going, by always looking for the next person we can help in any way that we can.

[Korilean]

Mandy, Thank you for your verrrry kind words; I so appreciate them & wish you peace in dealing with your fathers demise. I hope your Mom gets restitution for this & I'm sure she is in a state of immense pain & loss herself. If I had died in the wreck, the drunk would've only had to serve 3 MORE MONTHS in jail. That, in itself, belittles me & makes me quite angry. I am constantly chastised for wishing I'd died in the wreck, but even my kids, friends & the man I've had in my life for 10 years don't seem to understand how verrrry hard & painful my life is. Everyday the last 18 years, I've asked God "WHY????? Please, please tell me why I lived just to live like this ..... this isn't living!" But my scooter sign & getting the law changed for vehicular assault helps. As you said, the laws in other countries are much, MUCH stronger & that is frustrating, altho I'm sure you will agree, that even stronger laws won't change things for the victims. But ..... they would make people think twice about abusing the laws in the first place & thus prevent future victims!!! Doesn't the government see that? When I read my proposed law - of increasing the penalty for vehicular assault (since I "lived") from 9 months to a year, I threw it (as hard as I could 1 handed) across the room in frustration. I thought mannnny years would be justified. Like you said, in Europe the laws are much, much stronger. Yet the alcohol lobbyists are too strong - they are 'in bed with congress" it seems. I guess a celebrity or congressman or a close family member of theirs has to be a a victim first. You can bet that then the laws would change!
I didn't sue Toyota nor anyone because the drunk driver ran off to California while I was comatose & changed his name on everything he owned so there were no 'deep pockets'.
What I didn't explain in my post was how my scooter sign evolved. In my business, a new & used baby items store that was in business 28 years, 16 of them mine, I had occasion to talk at length with my customers & still after closing over 5 years ago, I have people recognize me when I'm out. That makes me feel so good. Back then at first, I called asking MADD for antennae ribbons that I could give out to customers. They had none & instead started flooding my mailbox & calling me all too often requesting donations! As a result, I got mad-at-MADD & remembered a lesson I'd learned in Sunday school - that one person can make a difference. So I had the sign made using my words. At first I was hesitant about it, but now that I've had such positive responses, I'm glad I did it & wish I would've sooner!
Again, thanks for your kind words. Take care & bless you. Korilean

[helenw]

Korilean,

I was in an accident July 15, 2007. A man I had been dating 3 weeks asked me to go for a motorcycle ride. He "forgot" to tell me the tires were so worn that he had an appointment the next day to have them replaced. When he turned a corner, the rear slid out from under us. My head hit the road, then my body bounced up and hit a F-350 parked on the street. I had a TBI, four tears to my eardrum, a ruptured bladder, and broken pelvic bones, including a hip that looked like a drunk spider had laid a web on it and 3 breaks in my sacrum. Eight days later my intestines viscerated. They told my family I might not make it, but if I did I might never walk again. Even if I walked, my brain injury was so bad they needed to look for a long-term care facility for me because they would never be able to care for me at home. Thankfully, the doctor elected to tell them was standing there thinking "Not if I have anything to say about it." He has held on to me through every complication for the last 18 months. Without him, I wouldn't be the person I am today. From my first memory, 3 weeks after the accident, I knew I was safe trying to heal my brain, because he was in charge of the physical.

Today I do walk, and my brain healed at an amazing speed. The hospital, a shining star Level One Trauma Center, looks at me as one of their miracles. I look at me as lucky. I still have a headache that never goes away and rivals a migraine, every moment. Every movement I make is so very painful due to the extensive nerve damage from the sacral fractures. Some internals organs have decided to be testy about the whole darn thing.

But I volunteer at the hospital on the TBI floor. When I was a patient there I watched people give up. The whole floor watches me volunteer. More important, they watch the way current patients respond to me. They here my story and they settle inside. A person fighting against treatments and therapies yesterday, looks onto my eyes today and resolves to dig deep and fight to recover. To me, helping one person, now or twenty years from now, settle inside and fight a little harder to recover as far as they can, is why I'm still here.

I also talk to TBI'ers around the country. I've learned the obstacles they face for obtaining the state and federal aid they need when they go home. I know we are asked to fit the applications procedures that we don't stand a snowballs chance of meeting. I've written a letter to our new President with my story and am collecting others stories from across the country. The system needs changed for us. We are different. I will fight with everything in me for the rest of my life to change it.

What you have done is no different. You are fighting to change the world for people that follow along behind you. You are trying to prevent anyone else suffering what you have suffered. The amazing thing is, somewhere behind both of us, is a younger version of us. When we are too old to continue, to hurt, to tired, they will step forward and gently take the reins from our hands, and continue our fight. Behind them, ans they age, hurt, get too tired, will be a younger version of them, who will gently take the reins from their hands and continue the fight. We each will make one or two small improvements. But in the end, we will change the world.

Yes, my dear, you have purpose. Your life is not pointless. With your misery you are showing more humanity than most, more compassion, more caring. You are a shining star!

[Korilean]

Helen, Thank you for your kind words, for helping others to learn by your example & from your recovery. I too am inspired by your words, maybe because I know better than many just what you've endured & how hard it is to do it!

Maybe it's my lack of computer savie, my computer or this site - or all 3 - but I keep 'losing' this message then having to re-do the whole bloody thing ............ my life is frustrating enough, grrrrr, BUT I WILL DO IT!!

One thing I didn't mention in my post, (I see upon re-reading it to make sure), is what I always try to tell people who come up to me to chat after they read my scooter sign.... that their lives too can change forever IN JUST AN INSTANT, like mine did. So they need to appreciate & enjoy the life they have now. And that I'd give anything to be able to do what they might take-for-granted. Like: swallow easily, walk, talk, get dressed or undressed quickly (each takes me hours 1 handed & sitting on the toilet since I can't do either standing), driving, working, putting on a band-aid (try it one handed), buttering toast (ditto), putting on a coat (ditto), tying shoes (ditto), (ditto), (ditto).

tc Hun!