Traumatic Brain Injury

[DesireeStar]

It's been 6 months since my accident where I suffered form a Left Frontal Contusion, and a Right Rear Sub-Arachnid Hemorage, and for the past 3 months I've been chronically crying daily, and weekly inconsolably crying, depressed and living with chronic anxiety The doctors released me with a stamp of "excellent recovery" after 3 months, and a few weeks later started noticing those symptoms and they have become increasingly worse since. Not better. I thought "this too shall pass" and I was wrong. Some times it is so bad, I just want to lay down, sleep and never wake up. That's a very scary thought... I'm going back to the TBI Ward doctors as soon as I can. I can't live like this.

The depression and anxiety are... amazing. I wake up in it, I live in it, I go to sleep in it. I can't work, manage my relationships, or do much of anything. My sense of reality is off. I'm paranoid, scared, sad all the time. I think that the people that love me, really don't. I think that I'm ruining everything all the time. I don't think I can "do it" whatever it may be(activity, social interaction etc..) I hate this and I can't talk myself out of it. It's real in that moment. So real it's really scary, like schitzophrenic scary.

I'm scared.I feel that this has beaten me.Is this TBI or PTSD or both?

I don't know how to handle this. I was never like this before. I'm not a crier, I'm not out of control emotionally, I'm a fighter, I am a doer, I am proactive and ... not anymore. I'm constantly fighting with the image of my old self, superimposed on the image of myself now.

Do I just need talk therapy? Do I need meds? I HATE the thought of taking anti-depressants. I hate the thought of drugs at all. I refused to take pain meds in the hospital. Ok, yes, that's a bit extreme, I know, but it's true and I spent the next two days in intense pain, but after that, my body's endorphines took over and fought the pain and sped the healing. I'm a firm believer in the bodies ability to heal and manage it's levels. UNTIL NOW. Is the brain so different?

What is wrong with me? How do I fix this?

[DesireeStar]

Not sure if anyone is actually relating to this, but on the off chance that it helps someone, I'll keep it updated. I went to the TBI ward and had an hour of talk-therapy with the resident, and I cried the entire hour. She basically said "You're not crazy". Nothing really more to offer except that. No answers. I'm a fixer, a doer, so the mutable world of talk-therapy might not fit me very well.

Basically I can't handle stress. Any stress throws me into depression, anxiety and crying fits. In fact, it doesn't need to be all that complicated. I just wake up feeling depressed. I give it a few minutes to sink in, and I'm crying my way through my morning shower. Sobbing. Lovely. If this is a new ride, I want to get off. 6 months ago, if you would have said "You're going to be crying uncontrollably over nothing" I'd have laughed in their face. This has been going on for about 4 months. I'm sooo tired of it.

Next week, I will repeat the process with the Psyche and see where it goes. It can't hurt or make things worse. I don't know the cause, or what the answer may be so if anyone has any insight, please let me know.

[snowfeet]

Hi,

I just wanted to say hello, and let you know you're not crazy or alone in this. I suffered a severe brain injury 11 years ago. I live with invisible sequelae even now. I've just decided to return to university, and my first three weeks have had me crying almost every day. Crying would be fine, but I'm not just crying. I'm crying until I lose feeling in my limbs and my face hurts. I have panic attacks when I can't figure something out at school--like how to check out books that are put on "short term loan." My cognitive functions are pretty passable, but I am an emotional wreck, easily stressed and easily overwhelmed. I'm not telling you this to scare you. You'll probably recover a great deal as time passes. I am posting because I feel alone in my suffering and I want you to not feel alone. I know what the loss of emotional control feels like. Good luck with your recovery. You never have to accept that you've stopped healing. Every new day you can be better than the last.

Kind Regards,

Sophie